


The Management Of Kings

by BakerStTardis (Sokashi)



Series: Hobbit Advent [8]
Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-04 02:36:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,989
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sokashi/pseuds/BakerStTardis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day Eight Hobbit Advent. Prompt crackers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Management Of Kings

Dwarves didn't have crackers. Bilbo stared, jaw kind of hanging open in surprise as he stared at Bofur who just laughed and chucked his chin. "Come on then, what are they?" He asked jovially. "I'm assuming its not something you eat or Bombour would've heard of it."

"Well-" Bilbo sputtered a little. "They're crackers." He frowned a little. "They're...colorful bits of paper twisted together. Inside is a little prize or treat-" he looked around at the amused, slightly confused faces and feeling a bit of an idiot. "Then two of you pull on them, one on either end, until it pops open and you get the prize." The amusement faded while the confusion grew. The dwarves eyes each other slightly, obviously wondering what was so great about that and Bilbo made a frustrated noise. "They're fun. And they actually pop! Like a noise! Sometimes its fairly loud."

They looked a little more interested but this time it was Gloin who leaned forward a bit. "Well, how do they do that? Paper doesn't usually pop."

Bilbo opened his mouth to answer then frowned. "I- don't know." He thought hard and shook his head a little helplessly. "We always bought them at the market. We never made them. What WOULD make them pop like that?" He looked back at his friends who were all sharing looks. "I'm sorry. I have one idea how they work." He admitted, feeling foolish for starting the whole conversation.

"But you enjoy these...crackers." Thorin stated from behind everyone else.

Bilbo looked up and nodded earnestly. "Oh yes. They must sound silly but it's so much fun when everyone's sitting around eating and talking and popping crackers and laughing...."

Thorin nodded seriously. "Then you will have them." He said as he stood. Bilbo sputtered and tried to protest, but the dwarves weren't listening as they all left to work for the day.

 

Bilbo forgot about the conversation. Erebor was a busy place and with holidays coming it was even more so. Officially he was an advisor to the king which always made him sputter and blush but came in handy when he needed to tell Thorin to shut it and quit being stubborn. They fought a lot but then that appeared to be what Thorin needed most often and Bilbo was happy to oblige. Before he knew it, Yuletide was upon them. There were great feasts planned and both their neighbors, men and elves, had been invited to one. To Thorin's great frustration, both Bard and Thranduil accepted. He scowled greatly at Bilbo's pleased smile and pointed a kingly finger at him in command. "You are in charge of that feast, Bilbo."

The hobbit looked at him in surprise, but smiled. "I'm sure you have someone official to plan these sorts of parties, Thorin. It'll be fine."

"Fine isn't good enough." Thorin insisted. "You wish us to get along with our, neighbors, yes?" He waited until Bilbo nodded then continued to speak before Bilbo could voice more protests. "Then it's up to you to make sure everything will go as smoothly as possible for our part. You make all the final decisions and give all the approvals."

Bilbo blinked a couple of times, surprised by his trust. "Well, thank you, Thorin." 

Thorin grunted, but his eyes were smiling. "And if everything goes wrong, you can't blame me for it." He added. Bilbo just rolled his eyes at that but didn't argue. The truth of it was that if anything went wrong it most likely WOULD be the dwarves fault and Bilbo probably WOULD yell at him about it but Thorin wouldn't deny it either so there was no point in arguing about it beforehand.

 

The feast date was set and Bilbo really didn't have to do too much. He added a few more foods elves and men would like and made sure all the decorations weren't insulting elves in some subtle way. To his immense pleasure Thorin presented him with a gorgeous wooden box of crackers the day before the feast. There were four of them in delicate, brightly colored paper, a little thicker than the ones Bilbo was used to. "Where did you get these?" Bilbo asked, chest a little tight with happiness.

"I made them." Thorin said. When Bilbo looked at him in surprise he just shrugged a little. "I'm a good blacksmith. Figuring out how things work isn't hard. We dwarves know quite a few things that could make a little noise when needed." 

Bilbo smiled. "I'm a little afraid to think of what you concider trinkets though. They're usually paper hats or tiny toys."

Thorin's brows rose regally. "You'll have to wait and see." He intoned and pushed the lid closed on the box when Bilbo reached for one. "Those are for us, when we have the family meal." He said and Bilbo tried hard to hide his pleasure at the words. "I've had enough made for the feast, though. The dwarves have been working all week on it under Fili and Kili's eyes."

Bilbo laughed. "I wondered what was keeping them out of trouble during the preparations." He set the box carefully to the side."You didn't have to make them for the feast, though. I know its not a tradition you have in the East."

"It's one of your traditions, though." Thorin said firmly, flipping through the paperwork Bilbo was working on. "And that is more important than elves or men." Bilbo stared at him, shocked. The silence drew Thorin's attention and he scowled at the hobbit. "What?"

What could he say? Thank you? Thorin would just scoff and say something gruff. Bilbo closed his mouth and shook his head. "Nothing. Here. Sign these. I want to get all this paperwork done before the feasts start."

Thorin pouted. "I hate paperwork." Bilbo just snorted and shoved him into a chair.

 

The feast was going well. The hall was too crowded for much music so Bilbo had just a few instruments playing some common instrumental tunes in the background that were neither too rowdy for the elves nor too...ethereal for the dwarves. Bilbo and Balin had carefully laid out the seating of every single guest to buffer the most opinionated ones from each other. Bard sat to the left of Thorin with Fili and Balin between them. Thorin and Bard could get along, mostly, but Fili and Balin could charm anyone who wasn't an elf and both had much cooler heads. The hardest part had been Thranduil and Thorin themselves. It was hard to keep the two seperated when they needed to at least LOOK like they could get along and few dwarves could stand the elf king for even a limited amount of time. The task fell to Kili and Bilbo. It was a little out of protocol, putting Bilbo right next to the elf king (and something he hadn't really been looking forward to, either), but without Gandalf or possibly Elrond there, there was simply no one else they could trust not to get too riled up sitting next to him. Even as it was, Bilbo was incredibly uncomfortable and he kept having to kick Kili underneath the table when the young dwarf started scowling. 

"Stop it and eat." Bilbo hissed at Kili. Kili pouted and Bilbo shoved a plate of fruit at him. "Don't give me that. It's one meal and then we have the rest of the holiday to ourselves."

Thranduil looked at him curiously, peering down at Bilbo as if his height was so much greater even sitting down. Bilbo gave him what felt like a weak smile and hoped the king hadn't noticed him fussing over Kili. "So, hobbit, this is your doing?" He gestured greatly, covering the room. 

"Oh, no. It was Thorin's idea to have a feast for everyone. I just did his bidding." Bilbo forgot, every time, how much he preferred NOT talking to kings. Thorin being the exception, of course. He'd much rather not have to worry about saying things that could cause a war.

Thranduil's face slid from mild curiosity to boredom. Awkward silence fell between them and Bilbo looked around for something to get distracted by or a new subject to talk about but Thranduil reached across the table and picked up the cracker sitting there. They'd been placed along the tables as part of the decorations, their colors bright among plates of food. "And is this your doing?" He asked, turning the silver and green paper over in his hands. It crinkled slightly in his hands and reflected the light. "Presents for your guests?" He sounded mocking, but then he usually did.

Before Bilbo could respond, Thorin leaned over and gave the elf king a hard look. "They're crackers. A hobbit tradition." He said, challenging him. "One we're all going to share this night."

Bilbo blushed a little and straightened in his seat, trying to distract the two kings before it turned into one of their snarky competitions. "They're just a fun party favor." He said quickly and tried to pretend he wasn't talking to Thranduil. "The guests pull on either end and it pops open and there's a prize inside." Bilbo silently cursed himself because he sounded like a moron and it sounded like a children's game. To his surprise, Thranduil peered at it thoughtfully then offered Bilbo the other end. Flustered, Bilbo glanced around to see everyone all over the hall grabbing the crackers and sharing them. Bilbo blushed a little and grabbed the twisted green paper, aware of Thorin holding either end of both Fili and Kili's with a look of infinite patience.

Thranduil raised one brow at Bilbo. "One...two..." 

Bilbo found himself giggling a little as he pulled his end on three and for a second he was happy and excited and actually was thinking that the feast wasn't going very badly at all. Then everything exploded.

For a long moment Bilbo wasn't sure what had happened nor what he was doing. Then he was blinking up at Thranduil through a fog of smoke, his ears were ringing slightly and the elven king was looking comically surprised. It was oddly quiet all over the room and a glance told Bilbo that everyone was facing the same situation. Thorin was doubly surrounded by smoke and whatever had been inside his crackers had disintegrated into what looked like sparkly confetti that coated hid face and shimmered in his beard. The dwarf king's brow lowered and Bilbo saw a terrible fury coming on even as Fili and Kili started laughing and oh, this was going to be bad... Bilbo looked back to Thranduil whose face wrinkled slightly in confusion.

"Is that what they're supposed to do?" He asked.

Bilbo could feel Thorin taking the deep breath he needed to start bellowing and smiled at Thranduil. "Yes! Yes." He all but yelled and laughed a little forcefully, hoping someone would stop Thorin from strangling his nephews before they got all the guests out of the mountain. "I told you it pops open." He looked around quickly and found a little gold ring with a tiny green stone in it had fallen on the floor between them. "And see? Your prize." Bilbo presented the ring to the elven king and Thranduil stared at it for a long moment before he took it gently. 

"This is amusing." He said as he slid it onto his smallest finger and went back to his food.

Chatter filled the room again, lots of laughter and Bilbo breathed out carefully, wanting to melt in his chair in relief. Instead he glanced over at Kili who was still laughing, then past him to where Thorin was sitting with his eyes closed, fists clenched in his lap. Bilbo slipped out of his chair, slapped Kili discreetly in the back of the head as he passed and moved to make sure Thorin didn't explode.


End file.
